I wish I could punch you in the face.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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