I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
