I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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