So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
