Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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