Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize