On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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