I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
