Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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