in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
