did you get engaged???
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
