3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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