So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
