thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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