Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
