i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
home. puking in laundry basket.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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