she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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