get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
