Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
