Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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