Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
