If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
