I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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