We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
try to milk me bitch
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