Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
