I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
