If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize