This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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