He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
