White coat. Heels.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't deserve a penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
