I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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