the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
