Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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