just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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