i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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