cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We need to rekindle our bromance
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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