u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
