I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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