Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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