Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
