remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
