I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
