she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
