found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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