College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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