Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
