Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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