My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
