I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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