I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
