She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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