look no pants
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm passing your future prison.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My breath smells like gin and sadness
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
