You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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