I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
