great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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