Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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