I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize