She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
