remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
