I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize