Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
