i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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