my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
