I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
