She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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