I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
