i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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