My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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