if you like me you must not know who I am
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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