Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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