I showed him my bush... on skype.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
