She's JV to your varsity
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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