We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
