Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
