Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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