In the future we'll all be gay
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize